Roasted basil butter parmesan shrimp.

I’m making you a list today.

It’s called “Things We Need In Life” and has lots of important bullet points. Butter. Sunsets. S’mores. Wine. Bonfires. Air conditioning. Books.

Oh and peanut butter with spoons.

Stuff like that.

I’m working on another one too. Called “Things We Don’t Need In Life”… with a few more suggestions. Work. Broccoli. Fakeness. Sunday nights. NASCAR. Framed Scarface posters. Monday mornings. Snoring.

Ah and calories are on that list too. Who the heck needs calories?

They’re sort of like high school reunions or something. I mean, like why do we even need those today? Right? Helllllooo Facebook. Thanks to that wonderful stalking tool, I know every single thing about you, person I went to high school with. I know what color your painted your bedroom walls, what you ate for dinner two weeks ago, what your kids’ names are and the first time they used the potty (um, CAN WE PLEASE STOP THAT?! thanks.), where you live, the actual STREET which you live on (haven’t you learned anything about the scary internet?), the lyrics to your favorite sappy song, the lyrics to your favorite “I’m drunk” song, the deal you scored at Target last week, the deer that ate all the apples off your backyard apple tree, your every outrageous belief ranging from politics to religion to shopping and the shots of you on the beach that hinder on the edge of inappropriateness. By the way, WHY did you request me as a friend again? I wasn’t cool enough for you in high school, but now I’m cool enough to see the first pair of big-girl underpants you bought for your toddler? I think it’s ’bout time we reevaluate this relationship. A good place to start would be the “unfriend” button.

SO yeah… sorry… I don’t need to see your face in a bar and reunite from the last ten years. A reunion from when? Your last status update 20 minutes ago? I bet soooo much has happened since.

And P.S. I don’t need no stinking calories either.

That’s why… I’m pretending my meals are calorie free from now on. I mean, I can delete things on Facebook so I’m just going to start deleting calories too. Starting with this shrimp. Because I added some green stuff to the butter, which essentially sucked out all of the calories and made it perfectly acceptable to add cold slices all over piping hot shrimp and watch them melt into rivers and streams. I can’t even. And that pool of herby, salted butter up there? Works wonders with a loaf of pull-apart bread. I learned that myself.

And the shrimp… it can go on pasta too. We did that. And we ate it on crostini. And then we ate it with even more butter. And you didn’t even know because I didn’t put it on Facebook. Who would’ve thought?